Friday, December 9, 2011
Dark Friday: Top Ten Complaints of Modern Vampires
TOP 10 COMPLAINTS OF MODERN-DAY VAMPIRES
10. Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from undead.
9. Three words: Daylight Savings Time
8. Can’t enjoy a meal at BURGER KING without some redneck yelling, “Look…it’s Elvis!!”
7. After 45 years of Communist rule, it’s impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.
6. No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
5. All the crucifix-wearing Madonna clones make finding easy victims difficult.
4. No warm blood for miles around DC.
3. Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized “hardbodies.”
2. Fat-free blood tastes like crap!
AND THE #1 COMPLAINT OF MODERN-DAY VAMPIRES:
1. Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards!